Let me reprint in full The Philippine Onion's exclusive interview with Corazon C. Aquino"
TPO: Mam , we haven't heard from you since the outrage over "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" hit the pages.
CCA: At first I thought they were referring to my prodigal daughter Kris. But when I read the apology, I was sufficiently appeased. It was neither of us.
TPO: But didn't you file a libel case against the columnist who claimed you hid under a bed during one of the more serious coups during your administration?
CCA: What bed? Which bed? No, that was different. Louie questioned my capability to be commander-in-chief. That really tended to undermine faith in my government, right.
TPO: Uhmmm.
CCA: Hey were you ever in the Malacanang press corps. You look familiar... A hardy bunch, they never seemed to be downed by the chicken liver pate I gave them at Christmas. By the salmonella I mean...
TPO: I wasn't born yet Mrs. President.
CCA: Anyway, do you know that all you political pundits overestimate your influence? Do you know that the most popular columns are not Manolo Quezon's nor Conrad de Quiroses's. Not even that guy who calls himself DJB Rizalist. The most popular column is Dolly Carvajal's and she has advised me that Kris's influence far outshines mine.
TPO: Maybe mam, but...
CCA: No ifs and buts. I may have the persona of an outstanding Catholic, but there are things you don't know about me. If only you knew what I whispered into an ear of Chairman Abalos...
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